I love

This pictureReally captures her.

Meet....

Biscuit. She's half bassett hound half beagle (???). The bassett hound part is a definate.

Yes, we're crazy. We've had her a week, so far, so good. She's 9 weeks old.

Pretty cute, huh? The kids aren't half bad either.

I figure

That since I'm getting really good at changing my blog template, that maybe I should actually do a substantive post, instead of just having people check out my template. "Hey nice template", now that is a pick up line.

The big holiday is tomorrow....Frick and Frack are most excited. Frick is heading out as none other than Dorothy (why can I only type that while singing in my best Wiggles voice?), Frack will be making her debut as a super hero. She has chosen to be Super Girl. I must admit I like her costume best, only because I made the cape, and pieced the rest together and sewed, way better than this one.

I finally got my house clean today, it's been a pigsty since everyone as been sick, I am thoroughly enjoying the smell of bleach! Not much else is going on, things are quiet, which is FINE with me, quiet is much better than sick, I'll take quiet any day!

Sweep, sweep, sweep......

Pretty cool! Now I can get some sleep, because right now I'm officially exhausted!

Yeah, Sox!!!!!

One for the team.

=======================>

Press play.

It's just like being at the game. Ha, ha.

Bragadocious

If you're not in the mood for a braggy post...move on..because this one will be the epitome of brag, brag, brag.

R had her assembly yesterday for being chosen Terrific Kid in her class. She and one other girl from her class were chosen. They chose two kids from each class every nine weeks. It's based on citizenship, respect, caring, etc. I was so proud of her, she was so excited, and we promptly displayed our new bumper sticker with pride. Here she is with her teacher and the other Terrific Kid.

The other awesome thing was we had R's parent teacher conference today, and I really wasn't sure what to expect academically. We speak with Mrs. B a lot since I volunteer about R's social behavior, etc, but Mrs. B did not say much about academics. I'll admit, we watch the Leapfrog DVD's, and I read to the girls, but as far as "homeschooling" teaching, etc., we're pretty lax.

We were told that R is in the top reading group and is ahead in math and all other areas of academics. She said we should continue to read to her and encourage, but that she's gifted. Wooohooo! She did say that R has a tendency to be a bit bossy with the other kids (no...R?), and that Mrs. B is channeling that into being a leader, not the boss, I guess R is responding to that quite well and she feels it is not a problem. She also said that behavior could be from a bit of boredom with the academics. WOW.

So that felt so good to hear, I know everyone thinks their child is the smartest, but honestly I'm a realist, I hated school, did just enough to get by, going into this conference I told myself "someone has to be in the middle, someone has to be average, don't be upset if R is in that group".

So it was a good couple of days.

Of course C woke up with diarrhea today...because we wouldn't want to have a full 24 hours without someone sick in this house. WTF?

Two weeks tomorrow

Yep, that will be how long it has been since people were well in my house. We've have fevers (Including me), diarrhea, vomiting, more fevers, four missed days of school, 4 missed "well check" doctor's appointments for Frick and Frack to get routine vaccinations, 2 days of missed work...endless refilling of the humidifier....endless doses of meds....endless boxes of tissues....and laundry....and soiled bed linens.....the list goes on and on.

This sucks. Poor C is taking the brunt of it this time, she missed school both days this week, yesterday she was fever free (first time in 6 days), although she still didn't look quite "right" I figured her being unmedicated and fever free was great...I figured she'd be able to go to school today. Nope 3:47 AM, threw up in our room, luckily The Suit sprung into action and managed to grab a box of almost empty tissues and the kid hurled in that....change the nightgown, check temp, burning up..off to lay in bed with Her Sickness. She looked so sad and said "Mommy, I'm not going to school tomorrow, am I?" "No, C, I don't think so" "Mommy I miss my friends"...and she proceeded to cry herself to sleep.

Breaks. My. Heart.

Today with a new day the dawn brought R on the potty with an explosion and puking in a bucket all at the same time. Multi talented kid. Another missed day of school, we haven't even had 1 full quarter yet!

Speaking of the first quarter. I got awesome news. R has been chosen "Terrific Kid" along with another little girl from her class. They choose two kids from each class every quarter, so out of 24 kids, she's one of two. I'm so proud of her, they select kids that are constantly out sick...no just kidding, they chose kids that demonstrate good citizenship, thoughtfulness, etc. I will be the proud owner of a minivan with a "My kid is a Terrific Kid at .....Elementary". And even though I've always thought those things were lame, now that I know what goes into getting such a sticker, I'm going to display it proudly!

Such a soccer mom.....really, it's scary. Say a little prayer for C that she shakes this bug, she normally is my fast healer, she's just so sad....I hate seeing her so beaten down and sick, I want my sparkly brown eyed little girl back!

More catalogue fodder for your Thursday pleasure.

Oh how I love catalogues!

I think these two items are suspiciously similar:



Just sayin'.......

That party...

So you know that party that we had to sell that crap to go to? Today was the big day. R was sent home sick from school yesterday with a fever....guess who missed the big party today?

Yep, R.

Karma sure is a bitch.

Photographer.

So a few weeks ago, I saw a post on Craigslist about a professional photographer looking for models ages 3-13 to expand her personal portfolio. Well I emailed pictures of Frick and Frack and she said she'd like to do a session with them. In exchange for using our images for her portfolio and advertising we get two 8 x 10 pictures.

Frack loved the whole scene, she was quite the model, it was pretty funny. Frick....not so much, she just was nervous, which I would be too, so this is not her scene. I feel like a stage mom, but Frack really is good at this modeling thing.

Here is the photographer's blog, she's got Frack on the header, and there is an entry with a few of their pictures. Why do I see myself ordering way more than the two free 8 x 10's?

http://www.kholubek.blogspot.com/

Wow.

So like, who are they?

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 7 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Content.

I guess traveling will make you appreciate home. I no longer miss MA. Sure, I visited with old friends, enjoyed a great roast beef sandwich, shopped at the Christmas Tree Shop, enjoyed the beach, but it was closure. I'm not saying I'll "never" live there again, because I firmly believe in never say never, but right now I'm content with where I am, and I won't be the person that I was when I left.

Traveling when you have kids sucks. I don't like leaving my kids, especially with The Suit in tow, I enjoyed alone time with the Suit, but we get that here, I don't like getting on a plane and leaving my children. I realize this is irrational, and I'm not a white knuckle flier, the opposite actually, but the thought of leaving my kids orphans is not a nice one. Again, we could be killed on the way to dinner in a car, but somehow this seems less likely (although statistics will tell you otherwise).

So we are back. While it was nice to see everyone, I couldn't help but feel that we're too old to be re-living the Real World, it felt odd, out of sorts. Of our fellow travelers, we are the only ones with children, this sets us apart greatly, makes you feel disconnected, but at the same time, grateful for what you have. I realize and respect the decisions of all my friends, and for each of them I know they have made the right decisions for themselves, and they are truly where they should be, but it still doesn't change the fact that things change.

I feel like with some, we just relive the past, over and over, while with others we have a present, and we laugh about the now and the future, reliving the past without a present makes me sad. People age, people grow apart, people lose touch, but for a few fleeting moments here and there you connect with what was, and for those few moments, you are happy, but sad at the same time, because people change, and they lose touch.

Shameless plea......

OK, here goes, R has this annoying fund raiser for school. The
kids that sell 15 items get pulled out of class and get to go to this
huge party with a bounce house, clowns, heck there is probably a pony
for all I know. I think this is a crock and insane, and I remember
when we were kids we just sold crap, and I think the person that sold
the most crap got a "prize". Something lame like a stuffed animal.
Needless to say I didn't sell much, but I digress this isn't about
me.....

Well now the PTA has upped the ante, make the poor kids feel left out
if they don't sell their share and they miss out on the special party.
All of their friends leave class and they are left to color alone,
waiting for them to return from the party with faced painted, chewing
gum, and holding all kinds of fun prizes. Nice, huh?

So you know where this is going....I've ordered some magazines, but
there aren't 15 that I want, but the prices on the magazines aren't
crazy, like ten bucks for a subscription. The other stuff, wrapping
paper, etc, well if that's your thing then by all means, order away.

So this stupid fund raiser closes as of this Friday, September 7th, as
in four days left to sell this stuff! Could you PLEASE look and see
if there is anything you might want? I swear you are all getting
cashews or empty gift bags from this place for Christmas if you don't
order something...ha,ha, but really please take a look so R can go
to this exclusive party, so she's not hounding me...PLEASE.....

Here's the link, you can order online, pay online, it's shipped to you, etc.

http://www.innisbrook.com/index_students.cfm?id1=R2453C&id2=&id3=

I suppose you want an update, huh?

270, that's the number of people I graduated with at Beverly High.
Let us do some math....
270 times 4, 1080
That would equal the rough total number of students at BHS between the ages of say, 14-19.
1100
That would be the number of kids in R's school.
Yes, 1100.
That's right 1100 children ages 5-11.
It's tricky to get 1100 little people where they need to be on a consistent basis day in and day out.
It's also tricky when there are no sidewalks leading up a school with 1100 students.
Everyone drives.
IT'S A CLUSTERFUCK!

Ahh...I feel better getting that off my chest.

One other thing about our school, we are about 1 mile from another elementary school with about the same number of students, that's a shit load of kids in a very small area! I don't think the Swampscott school system has 1100 students total, let alone in one elementary school!

OK....so there was a reason we were paying close to 6k in property taxes in Swampscott.

Enough politics.

So day one, we parked (dropped the van from the sky where ever it may land in the grass, amongst 1100 other minivans driven by parents dropped from the sky) and walked R into her class. No tears, just "bye". She seemed nervous, but not sad. She just sort of went in, and that was it. I could have easily cried, but I didn't. I went to "Tissues and Tea", which was a nice idea, but useless. You sit at a table and listen to a little spiel by the principal and the PTA. You're supposed to meet with the parents of your child's classmates. The problem being the only other parent from R's class was a man that seemed to forget that he needed to brush his teeth, this year, and forgot to change out of his PJ top. He was really nasty, told me his daughter's name, N, and I filed it away as a kid that I desperately DO NOT want R to play with. Then I saw my neighbor, and made up an excuse, and dashed!

The pick up.

It's like a deli, with your kid being the lunch meat. School lets out at 2:30, The Suit, C, and I rolled into "the line" at 2:02. We barely made it into the line, we were almost on the street. You have a number on your car. The staff at the school walk the line and with two way radios they radio in the numbers of the cars, you are placed into "waves", fifty or so cars each, (you are getting stressed just reading this, aren't you?). I was in "wave 3". So the kids sit in their classrooms and watch a television screen waiting for their number (think Keno all you Massholes). The numbers flash on the screen and your five year old is supposed to A. know and recognize her number and B. Notice what "wave" her number is in. Then she is supposed to walk out into Olympic Stadium and find the 5th grader holding a flag in the air (think the Olympic ceremony) that represents her wave. The she is supposed to follow this 5th grader out to the front of the school. Then she is "paraded" in the middle of two "waves", with the expectation that she will recognize her car.

R failed this portion of day one at Kindergarten. Shocking isn't it, considering how clear and easy that sounds, huh?

That's R's side of the deal.

Here is mine. Wait in line for 40 minutes with the car idling in 100 (I'm not exaggerating) degree weather. Suddenly things start to happen. Cars are moving, you feel like you are at a Nascar event, you move forward, get close, start pining for your kid, looking, looking, looking, then all the sudden the checkered flag is waving and you're supposed to "GO". "WAIT WHERE THE FUCK IS MY KID? I DO NOT HAVE A KID IN MY CAR! I'M NOT FUCKING MOVING (think of the happiness of the 500 cars behind you as you dig in your heels because you did not just wait in that line for 4o minutes to leave this effing line without a kid, any kid!). Luckily the flag waver sees your distress and she says "just pull around, we'll do a recall". So then you have to park (in shame--we failed pick up day 1) and hope. So they did a "recall" and R finally comes strolling out, oblivious.

Thankfully she did not have any clue that there was a problem. She was "watching the neat tv and looking at all the cool numbers". "Did you see YOUR number?" "MY number?" "Yes, the one I wrote on your backpack?" "Oh, I was supposed to be looking for MY number?" "Yes, who's number did you think you were supposed to be looking for?" "I don't know, we were watching the tv with the numbers."

So.......R did not have any clue as to the process. She does not have a future working in the deli.

Her day was fine, so we think, she revealed very little. She did say that there was one girl that was "irritating". I tried to figure out who, but that was futile.

I went into school today for the drop off, (dropped from the sky once again) and informed her teacher that R has no idea what the car process is, and could she please explain it to her. "Sure". Thankfully her teacher is really sweet, so that is good.

Our school is neat in that you can eat lunch with your child when ever you like. Anyone can, grandparents, Dad's, pedophiles, etc.

I ate lunch with R today (ok had coffee, since it was 10:00 AM and all). She was pretty surprised. I sat at her table and assessed the class. Three children do not speak English, as in NO ENGLISH, again, I'm too tired to get political, but let's just say I'm less than pleased. There are 25 students in her class. 1 aide. Many of the kids are less than ideal, but R seems pretty oblivious, I did find two girls suitable (don't I sound horrible), and I told R she should try to play with them at recess "Why? Because she has braids like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz." "Yes, honey, that's why". It was funny when I was chatting with the kids I'd ask their names and they show you their "necklace" which was a little badge on string that has their name, address, car rider number, and teacher. All I could think of was "lost baggage", like what if we lose the badge, then maybe I should tattoo that information to R's tummy..but I digress. R made it a point to show me the "irritating" girl from yesterday at the other table. I had to agree, she looked a bit irritating, but I managed to say "Oh, I see".

Another little boy in her class, but thankfully not at our table puked. I had to help the teacher get the kids back to the classroom since the aide took him to the nurse. As I was trying to corral this group of wanderers back to their room, I was a the end of the line with the irritating girl. I asked her name, she pulled out her badge, "N", wouldn't you know irritating girl was the daughter of PJ wearing non-teeth brushing Daddy. Figures.

The best part of today...I hit the lottery.

Wave 7, SHE MADE IT TO THE CAR!

Teacher, met.

So that went fine. It was a mob scene, but it was fine. R's teacher seems very nice, and R enjoyed playing in the classroom. There were all of these sign up sheets on the tables, for things like snack, reading, helping copy, room mom, etc. Well I signed up for a few and kept an eye on the room mom sheet. Sure enough no one signed up. So me with the big sucker sticker on my forehead signed her life away. I'm officially the room mom of Room 2. I have a feeling this will be a fairly intense undertaking. I hope to God, I'm not expected to be in the room 24/7, 'cause well....I'm not the teacher...we'll see.

The Suit had never been to the school, and due to his crappy job almost missed this opportunity too, but he stood up for himself and was able to come. I feel really badly for him. He's a hands on Daddy, missing the school tour months ago really bothered him, almost missing Meet the Teacher would have killed him. Top that off with the fact that this last schedule had him missing Meet the Teacher AND C's first day of pre-school, let's just say he almost quit. The Bitch at work was less than understanding, but he was able to finagle and get both off. Of course he has to work a bzillion "Guilt" hours, but at least he won't miss those two special things. The girls really are lucky to have a Daddy that wants to be at all of their events, and is really truly upset if he can't. He's a keeper.

C had her Meet the Teacher tonight too. She might not be as carefree as I had originally thought, I wonder if some tears might be shed on her part come Tuesday. Lord knows if she cries I'll be a puddle. God. Help. Me.

Guess it's really going to happen.

That whole kindergarten thing, and all. I really, really wish I was looking forward to the "free" time when the kids are in school. I wish I was "ready" for them to go to school. I wish I was counting the days, but you know what:

I'M NOT.

I went to the school today to get R's "car rider" number. It's like a deli. Pull up, get in line, then someone on a walkie talkie walks around and "radios" your number in, and then your child sits in their classroom staring at a tv screen that shows them the numbers. When their number is "up", they get in line, and off to the front they go. There they are loaded into the masses of minivans and SUVs.

They really didn't have that system when we were kids. When I was a kid I would walk alone in plain sight of all potential kidnappers to the bike rack, enter the combination on my chain lock (1234, so uncrackable), hop on my banana seat bike, and ride the road home. Sure I didn't do that in kindergarten, it was 1st grade, then it was safe. I didn't have any real rules about stopping on the way home, I'm sure my Mom would have been alarmed if I didn't show up by 4:00, but really for that time after school, I was free.

My five year old will not be free. I will wait in line, everyday, and I will pick her up. We'll drive the half mile home (trust me if there were sidewalks, we'd walk...it's not a great road to walk on--certainly not for my baby), then we'll have a snack, I'll find out about her day, and I'll hold her a little closer, wish her to be little a bit longer. Wish her to hold her innocence a little longer. Wish her happy days, and restful nights. Wish her worries away, kiss her tears, and cheer her achievements. Listen to her read to me.

5 days a week for 6.5 hours a day, she'll be "there".

R starts on Monday, C follows close behind on Tuesday with her first day in pre-k. Firsts all around here in the Parker house.

I know next week is an important week for my girls, I will pretend to be excited, but really I'm sad, I will miss them. I know they will learn, make friends, and have experiences that I cannot give them, but I will miss them.

I will miss them.

I wonder if my Mom misses me, I bet so.

Being a Mom really is a hard job, the hardest I've ever had.

I had surgery today.

In my sister's bedroom. Gotta love having a sister that is a doctor.

I've had this annoying "growth" on my chest, right at my bra/bathing suit line since I was about 14. It's not cancerous and was the size of an eraserhead. It's an annoyance. Not really a "skintag" (I just googled images, they were gross, I won't scare you), but just sort of a moley thing.

So the doctor said he'd take it off. I mentioned it to Dr. Jenn and she said, "I can do it for free". Magic word, "free". So while the girls were watching Tangerine Bear with their cousins, I was doing my pre-op testing.

So she shot me with Novocaine, pulled out the scalpel, and sliced that fucker right off. That thing that's been on my body forever, looked really yucky in my sister's gloved hands.

My post op recovery was spent in the living room watching my nephew bounce off the walls.

It bleed fairly profusely for a bit and gave my sister a heart attack, and I could see that she was deciding if she should drive me to the office to cauterize, but it stopped, all's well. Jenn's not thrilled with her work, and is promising a re-do if it scars, I told her I don't care, it's off that's worth any scar!

In other news. 105 today....guess what? Someone decided to shit in the pool. Closed until Saturday afternoon. Tomorrow's temp, 105, Saturday (Cold Front) 98.

I'm actually fine with skipping the pool for a few days, however shitting in the pool is really freakin' gross!

BTW: The Shitter, 6 year old girl.

Little Shit.

Phew!

So we apparently got a good teacher! Unfortunately R is not in Ben's class, and we're not sure if evil neighbor girl is in her class (they are at the beach), but we'll see. Her teacher has been a teacher for 29 years, and she's a grandmother of 3, I figure that's a good thing. We can get the new hip teachers down the road. From what I've heard she's every bit a grandmother, always happy, nurturing, etc. That's what R needs! Her list of supplies is pretty minimal and we already have most of the stuff, so that's a good thing.

R and C both got their ears pierced today. Funny how life goes full circle. My little munchkins both their ears pierced at the same mall that I did, about 25 years later! R has been asking for a while, and C was originally against the idea, but then changed her mind. We went to the mall and picked out their earrings. I was fully expecting them to back out, but R was determined. She hopped into the chair, and sat there like a champ. I don't really think she knew what was coming. The place we went was cool because they did both ears at the same time. After the "blast" she started to cry, just a bit though. I gave her a big hug and she did manage a smile when she looked in the mirror at her "diamonds".

At this point I fully expected C to hit the mall running. She cried for R, but when asked she said she was getting hers done too. I was shocked. She sat in my lap and had hers done. She cried more than R, but we did bring her wooby in anticipation of the tears. A few lollipops and the wooby did the trick. We were fine. They sure do grow up quickly, I can't believe the both went through with it. I was totally fine if they decided to back out, but they didn't. R loves them, looks at herself whenever she can, she twists them perfectly and is being good about the cleaning. C, not so much, maybe she wasn't ready, but it's hard to say no, they are 18 months apart, but I feel bad telling her no. We'll see if they stay in.

So school starts very soon, we've been trying to wake up early, it's not working, we're lucky if we get up before 8:00. Considering that we have to leave the house at 7:30 come school time, this could be a problem......homeschooling here we come! Ha, ha.

Nervous excitement!

I cannot place this feeling, maybe like when your SAT scores come in the mail, or when the "thick" envelope from the college of your dreams arrives? I went to R's school today to see if I could pry out of them who her teacher is (under the guise of asking for the supply list) and the Secretary said that the letters from the teachers were mailed out yesterday! I should know today or tomorrow who will be stealing my daughter for 180 days!

She has one friend in the neighborhood Ben, and I hope that he's in her class...there's another neighbor girl that I hope is NOT in her class....of course that Mom is on vacation this week, so I won't know if they are in the same class until next week.....I so would love to steal her letter from her mailbox and see who she has! Guess that's some kind of federal crime or something like that, they surely didn't pass that law with a bunch of Mom's trying to find out if the evil neighbor is in their kids kindergarten class, that's for sure.

I'll keep you posted.

In other exciting news, I've had every orifice violated in the last 24 hours. Pap smear, blood work, eye test, urine sample, and my personal favorite the tetanus shot. My arm is killing me! Fun times for me.

Spankin' the monkey.....

In the pool...yeah, that's the story.

Nasty pedophile special needs man (18) with the mentality of a 10 year old and the working body parts of a man was enjoying himself in the pool today, all the while leering at my 5 and 3 year old. Nice, huh?

I'm normally queen wimpo when it comes to confrontation, but this "man" has been stalking me all summer, he's very "simple" and normally just bugs me, but when you start working your magic fingers looking at my daughter's I want to rip your face off. I marched right up to him (hand in his bathing suit) and said, "Hey Preston, get your hands out of your pants, if you want to do that then you need to go home". "Ok" He left.

Scum bag. Amee (my neighbor who's 7 year old was also the apple of his nasty eye) has decided that if she sees him do it again she's going to say, "Hey Preston, if I ever see you touching yourself looking at my daughter I'm going to rip your arm off and beat you with it".

I like that option better.

I'm so disgusted....I never leave my girls alone so that's not an issue, but WTF....nasty fucking scum bag, I don't care if you're slow as molasses, get your hands out of your pants.

Grrr......

Yellow Tomatoes = Delightful

I was skeptical because they just aren't the "right" color, I know heirloom tomatoes are all hip and shit, and hell, I ordered them, but the orange and yellow ones.....I just wasn't sure, however, what a nice surprise. I'm loving the Kellogg's Breakfast Yellow...it's awesome, although it's a bit like biting into say a purple banana, seems somewhat forbidden.

I'm surprised I've gotten zero comments on ======> the song??? Can you not hear it? Do you not remember this song? Heather, Chris, Carol, Sarah????? c'mon.....work with me, are we not back in the Marshmallow stalking Mickey or what? Humor me people.....sure it was like 20 years ago..but still some colorful memories!

I taught lessons for 2.5 hours straight yesterday, color me cold. However, I shivered all the way to the bank!

The girls are loving gymnastics and C has turned into quite a little Mary Lou, she's been the teachers demonstrator lately, which she loves. She did scare the crap out of me and did some running forward roll today, the teacher looked frightened too and immediately looked up at me in the viewing window....as if I could do anything from two stories, and sound proof glass, away...she turned out to be fine, not even phased.

The in-laws are coming, they are leaving Boston tomorrow at 9:00 AM....I've been taught that when you don't have anything nice to say, it's better to say nothing at all...I'm going with that mantra tonight. The leave Tuesday.

We've been having some "wicked boomas" the last few days. This afternoon I went out front to take down our flag before it impaled some poor pedestrian, only to see a neighbors inflatable pool blowing by. Then I saw all 4'10 of Amee running after it. I decided not to run with her since I was in my jammies and braless...no one needs to see that kind of show, kids live here! Once Amee captured the rogue pool, she noticed that shingles were blowing off her roof, she decided not to chase them down. That sucks. I don't know what the state of my roof is because well....I was braless. It was so windy my boobs my have blown down the street for Gods sake!

Well that is all the news in Parkaland, don't know that I'll blog during the visit.........then again, maybe I will.....

8 Things

8 Things

Each person posts the rules before their list, then they list 8 things about themselves. At the end of the post, that person tags and links to 8 other people; then visits those people’s sites and comments, letting them know that they have been tagged, and to come read the post, so they know what they have to do.

1. I sleep on my stomach, even when I was pregnant. I'm good.
2. I went to three colleges before I graduated, but I still graduated in 4 years.
3. I scratched a girls face when I was 6 because she would not leave my yard, it scarred.
4. I put this latest song on my blog because Alison has never heard it, I can't believe that, it was a big hit in our group in high school.
5. I am the only person in our little high school group that has kids. Carol is getting married in September and I really hope she joins my ranks quickly. Preferably 9 months after September.
6. We're going to the beach on Sunday and I can't wait!
7. I feel stupid, but I do not know what a Meme is.
8. I'm not afraid to fly, but if I haven't driven on the highway for a while, I get kind of nervous, on a long trip it takes me about 2 hours to "settle in".

I tag.....everyone that hasn't been tagged. How's that for lazy?

The great umbrella caper

Al--this is not "that" blog. Just so you know.

OK, onto blogging.

So you know the umbrellas that tilt?Well we "had" one of those. See there is this button that you push and it tilts. Well ours got stuck in the tilt position. The Suit was going to fix it, but he forgot and went to work.

This is the part of the story where things begin sound like "bizarre news" on Yahoo. We had a really bad thunderstorm on Sunday night. The kind where the pool chairs blow into the water and all kinds of bad stuff happens. So C comes downstairs because she's afraid of the thunder, so she sits with me and then I look out the window and notice it's really gusty. Then I look at the umbrella and realize that it's really about to become airborne, I didn't want to lose my $50.00 umbrella or my $100.00 table, so I thought I'd risk my life.

This is the part of the story where I get really stupid.

I decide to go outside in my pajamas and "fix" the umbrella. The metal umbrella, in the lightning storm. So it's blowing like crazy and I'm getting soaked, I'm holding the long metal pole trying to figure out how to get the umbrella down, it's in a stand going through the glass table. Well as I'm trying to decide what to do I can see C in the window watching her stupid Mom. So then all the sudden a huge gust comes and the aluminum pole just snaps in half. The umbrella comes out of the table and the jagged aluminum lands on my foot (my bare foot) and cuts a huge gash.

I become Mary Poppins.

The pole is broken in half and I am airborne. I can't figure out what to do. I'm afraid that if I let go the whole thing will impale someone, or go through someone's window in my neighborhood. Then I get the brilliant idea that I'll throw it over our fence and it'll just blow around the field behind our house, and impale someone that I don't see at the pool everyday. So as I'm half walking half flying to the back of the yard the tilted part of the pole straightens out (think Moses parting the water) and I'm able to actually roll the whole thing down, hence rectifying it no longer a hazard.

Then I went in the house, and C gave me her Tinkerbell towel.

Here is the headline had things not turned out so well:

Greer, SC
Mother of two electrocuted as umbrella and mother became airborne and got caught in a power line. Three year old watches the whole thing and calls 911.

What an idiot! Yeah, that's me.

A little bit of this and that....

Did you know that WE has Kate and Allie on nightly from 7:00-8:00? That's two episodes of my favorite 80s tv show! I've officially broken up with Dr. Phil and switched to the other team, Kate and Allie are now my latest addiction.

Things are good, I'm teaching lessons like crazy, which is good, the $$$ is nice. Frick and Frack are swimming constantly and Frick has swimmers ear to prove it. Poor kid. We took her to the doctor yesterday, confirmation, swimmers ear. Summer has officially arrived.

We're going to see the My Little Pony show tomorrow night. I know you're all jealous. We went to Carowinds (like Six Flags) on Father's Day and R is quite the dare devil. She went on quite a few roller coasters. I went on one by myself which was awesome, but I've decided that my sister and I need to go without the kids and husbands, we'd ride all day!

My garden is still going great, I have had some cherry tomatoes and a few cluster tomatoes ripen, cukes are ready too. I have on red pepper plant. I now know why red peppers are so expensive. I have 1 plant, 1 pepper, and it's showing no signs of turning red. Sucks up water like crazy, but just takes forever. I don't see myself becoming a pepper farmer in the future. I have yet to receive the soil results...that's pretty suspicious.

I'll spam you with some pictures since I've been lax in posting. Enjoy.
Here we have the ladies enjoying some hat fashion.
And here we have #1 posing for a Pre-K Graduation photograph.

And #2 sitting on the porch awaiting the departure for the "Fancy Nancy" book reading at Barnes and Nobel. Yes, I took her out of the house dressed like that....



Proof that she left the house...walking the "Stage" (first I might add) at the reading. Where did this kid come from?

Steaming mad!

I know I don't blog for like a month and then I come here to vent, nice, huh?

Background, The Suit has a professional job, he wears a suit for Christ sake! He is treated worse than if he worked at freakin' Target! He is salary, however the Bitch (his boss) does a weekly schedule, when she fuckin' feels like it. He is supposed to get his schedule on Tuesday, the work week starts on Thursday, so yes, two days notice. So say you asked me on Monday, "Hey Danyelle, want to come over for dinner on Saturday?". My reply would be, "I don't know, I don't have the Suit's schedule".

See if he worked at Target, he'd have his fucking schedule. So today is WEDNESDAY.....DO YOU THINK I KNOW HIS FUCKING SCHEDULE FOR OH...TOMORROW????? Nope, not a fucking clue. This absolutely boils my blood, nothing like being a slave to this freakin' nightmare job. His staff knows their schedule two weeks in advance, but the management walks on pins and needles around the Bitch. There are three managers that this woman schedules, all three are miserable because they don't know their schedules, they have all asked that she please give it to them by Tuesday (which I still think is ridiculously late), and she assures them every time that "You'll have it by Tuesday at noon". Well here we sit....2:32 on Wednesday..no schedule.

I want to rip this fucking woman's head off. I'm tired of being a single parent, doing every thing alone. This all started because I need to take my car in for the AC to get fixed for the third time in two weeks. Do you think I might be able to know the schedule so I don't have to fucking swelter in the 100 degree heat? Do you think? I'm so completely done, The Suit and his co-workers are like scared mice and none of them will go above the Bitch to complain....I feel like going in myself, because really I'm the one that is screwed week after week after week.

I give up, I fucking give up, if I'm doing this alone then things are going to change around here, I didn't sign up for this alone, but hell if that's the way it is then I'm in charge, I'm done playing nice. DONE.

Wow!

So like three weeks later I sober up, now that is a good buzz! Don't I wish. I've just been swamped with the end of school, end of swim team, beginning of swim lesson season, and the pool opening. The pool opening mainly. We opened last weekend, and I've had to be the police. Not fun, I hate confrontation, and being the pool police is just a world of confrontation. I have to make certain everyone lives in the neighborhood, has paid their dues, is over 16, and has a proper entry code. Fun times, really, a blast! Not to mention that people that haven't paid come in and I have to be the heavy. I've had some less than favorable responses. All this for free! Gosh, I love to volunteer, and get shit on all at once!

Ok enough about that bullshit. R graduates from K4 Thursday night. I'm sad. I know I should be happy, but I'm not. I'm not ready for school five days a week 180 days a year for the next 13 years. Call me crazy, but the last 5 years have been a cake walk. I'll also miss her first classmates. I'm such a sap, but these were her first classmates, and now not one is going to her elementary school. I'll miss Miss Kim, she's been absolutely the best teacher ever, why have a new teacher, right? I'm so happy that C is heading to this school in the fall because at least I know we'll have contact with this wonderful place for two more years.

Remember my garden? The one that The Suit wheelbarrowed 4 cubic yards of mushroom compost to from the driveway? The one where I planted 20 heirloom tomato plants that I ordered online? The one that we rented a tiller to prepare? The one that we bought timbers to frame? The one that has been FUCKING TORTURING ME for three weeks? Yes, that one.

Well it appears that something is array with the compost, and things are dying left and right. It's been about a week since the last murder, but for three weeks I was going out nightly surveying the beauty only to wake up in the morning with a huge healthy tomato plant on the ground completely limp and wilted. I hoped it was some odd dehydration thing, but they never came back. Dead, Dead, Dead! Lost 6 tomato plants, 6 daylilies, petunias, impatiens, etc. It's been fun.

I finally called the compost people, at the begging of my neighbors that were really getting sick of hearing me piss and moan every day, seems that my compost might not have been blended. To me that means nothing, but to my poor plants, that means straight shots of nitrogen. Excellent. They took a soil sample and mailed it off, so we'll see. Like I said it's been about a week, so I'm hopeful that I can close off this chapter in gardening.

One good thing, we got lots of broccoli, it's pretty neat, going out cutting off a huge chunk of broccoli, eating it. Fun. Assuming my tomatoes and cukes make it, that will be the best! The girls love it, R gets so excited finding the veggies, "Look Mama, a YELLOW!!!" That's yellow squash to you and I. It's neat to see them get excited about stuff like that.

So that's the update, fairly boring.

Drunk, drunk, drunk....

That's all.....

Happy Sunday to you, too!

Pool cleaning with the neighbors has driven me to the bottle. It's amazing I can still type......

I'll update more later, when I'm more coherent.

Absolut...you're my friend......oh and a little Ruby Red too.

Tomorrow will be a hangover day...I can feel it now!

And while we're at it.

I think this would fall under a public service announcement. Seems that the One Step Ahead cataloge has come up with some handy new products for us parents of the world. I couldn't just see these wonderful finds without sharing with you, my adoring public. Enjoy.

Turning your attention to page 18 of the cataloge. This amazing light allows you to "get the job done without waking baby". Now I'm noticing that in this picture baby is in fact, awake. Maybe this mommy wore her clip on robe light a little high on the collar? Maybe a lower placement would have allowed her to "get the job done". Still a nifty gadget, I'm sure it will provide hours of changing pleasure for both Mommy and Daddy. Just be careful to remove this light when running out to the driveway to grab the paper, wouldn't want your neighbors to think you are a FREAK!

Ahh...page 36, "Make baby's first steps safer". What a great idea! I could hardly bare the thought of leaning down to hold my little one's hands for those "walking lessons". Now you too can give birth and raise your very own Pinocchio! I think I'll order a few and change my name to Gepetto.
And last but not least, on page 27, "Make bathtime safer". This truly amazing product takes the mission of obtaining baby soap on your hand while holding the baby safely. Just place your hand under this product and magically soap appears on your hand! I for one know how incredibly arduous it was to do this task with one hand! An added bonus imagine the fun the toddler in your house will have with this product should you mistakenly leave it in the bathtub. Soap for All!

So rush out and order these products, I expect there to be some difficulty in obtaining them once everyone reads my review. Hurry...go.....now!

As promised for Susie Q.

Let's travel down memory lane, shall we? Let us begin in the third grade.
I bet you're wondering how I have two children having obviously had a sex change. No, that is actually a girl. Scary....I loved my "wings". And I remember that shirt, I looked like quite the strapping young man.

So we moved two years later, and thankfully we moved into a neighborhood with some girls, my hair grew. This next picture was taken in Florida at my grandparents house. I was doing some Breck hair commercial. That isn't the important thing to note, note the awesome iron on transfer t-shirt with E.T. Now that's cool.
OK this next one is disturbing on a few levels. See I'm wearing a Panama Jack t-shirt. That's scary, as are my Nair short shorts. Now looking more closely you'll see my Mom smiling demonically as she readies herself to cook on the old gas grill. Sure scary, but then you notice my sister crouching next to said gas grill, assumingly throwing in a lit match. I was in 6th grade. I remember doing this task for my Mom too, she was too scared to throw the match in the grill, so she'd summon us. Hmmm....questionable parenting, but it was the 80s after all. Not my sister's rockin' hair. She was H O T.

Here' I am modeling in the bushes. Speaking of H O T. I vividly recall my sister and I taking this picture. We were going to win modeling contracts from Teen Beat. After, of course, we spent our millions from those contests where we drew that turtle. Now that's where the real money is.

My Mom went to Essex Aggie for hairstyling. Can you tell that she was really popular with my sister and I, and her friend Wendy? She was really amazing at the Rave Spiral Perm. I know you're all jealous. This was right around the time that I found Sun In. Or Orange In in my case. BTW I loved this dress, cap sleeves and all!

This is eight grade. I think I look fairly normal, barring my patriotic choice of clothes. It's funny, as you'll see I look like this A LOT. I wish my arms were that thin now. Sigh.

Oh dear! I've lost the bangs, forgotten to do the eyebrows, and gone REALLY BOLD in the clothing department! I loved this shirt, it was Polo and I got it a Filene's Basement, circa year when Leah Deveau worked there and stole things on a daily basis. She was an unfortunate girl, and she was a bitch for not telling me to ditch the horizontal stripes!

Ahh the not so Nuclear Family. See anyone missing from this shot? This starts the red years. Someone must have said I looked good in red, because I wore it to death. Sad that I'm the one that looks good in this picture. Would you look at my Mom's hair, and she looks like she's got a nasty piece of meat in her mouth and she needs a napkin. And my sister.....oh Jenn, Jenn, Jenn....the hair. Makes me feel good about my flat do.

Here we go with the red again. This is my senior picture. I was 17 in this picture. That was 17 years ago. I don't look much different today. At our 10 year reunion they had this picture on my name tag. I was embarrassed because I looked exactly the same. I hate that guido gold chain around my neck. Yucky!

Here we are in my nautical phase. This is Jenn's graduation from college. With my sailor dress and my Mom's horrible dress, we are not looking like the beautiful family. Unfortunate clothing choices, all around.



And who could forget the dress? I had this lovely piece specifically made by Susan Wonderly herself. The damn thing fell apart mid prom. That ruffle on the top became a tray, and I could have served hor'doeurves to the other prom goers. Luckily there was a sweetheart neckline underneath, or I would have been in trouble. Heather, Chris, Carol, Alison, and Sarah I'm calling you all out...why didn't you tell me that Mick was not attractive? What did I ever see in him?

And that, my friends, will conclude my walk down memory lane. See Suzanne, you're not the only one with skeletons!

Happy Birthday, Suit.

So the Suit is officially only one year younger than me again. This 3.5 weeks of me being 2 years older really needs to end. Nah..nah...you're 34, I'm only 32....nah, nah, nah...well welcome to 33 Buddy!

Actually I'm feeling a bit glum for the Suit today. See he's been in a crap job situation for sometime, and it just gets worse and worse. He's always having to sign and pass on birthday cards in his insane club, but he went unrecognized today. That's just crap. Apparently there is a birthday "list" on the cork board, guess no one has looked at it lately. I hope it was an oversight, but still that just sucks. He interviewed for a new job about a month ago, and we're still in "waiting", he deserves this job, the interview went great, but it's one of those not really sure if there is a job situations. He casually mentioned to a guy from another club that he was looking and the guy said to send over his resume. He did, Guy called, Suit interviewed, went great, I'll call in a week or two, no call, Suit sees Guy at work, Guy seeks him out all friendly "I'll call you Suit". That was over a week ago, again, no call. It's like some cruel joke, toying with the Suit. Truly though this guy is genuinely nice, not a screwer, so I'm guessing that there isn't a job yet, but when and if there is the Suit will be tapped. Not a fun way to wait, every day "Did the Guy call?" Breaks my heart to continuously say "No.". Sigh.

We went out to dinner last night to celebrate since he's working the next 6 nights...did I mention he loves his job? We went to Bonefish, it was good, I had tuna. Then we went to see Reign Over Me. The Adam Sandler movie about losing his family in 9/11. I knew it was not a comedy it wasn't horrible, but a bit draggy, I think I was expecting more of a 9/11 story and that was really a very minor part of the movie. I did however find Liv Tyler to be adorable, I think if I was going to switch to the other team I'd go for her, she's quite stunning. Amazing that her dad is Steven Tyler, she seems so not like Steven Tyler's daughter.

R has been on spring break this week. I've had no soccer and no swim team. I'm beginning to see what life would be like without those activities....NICE! Oh well. R has been driving me nuts though, she needs activity, every day, "Is it school today?"

I've been gardening like mad. It's been in the 80s so on Monday I planted my cucumbers, zucchini, summer squash, and two heirloom tomato plants. Yahoo....you say. Fucking frost tonight! Damned frost, frost and 80 degrees in the same week. What is that shit? So I tucked my plants in tonight, I think I lost come cucumbers last night, luckily those are easy enough to grow, I'm praying I don't lose my tomatoes. I got my tomato plant order today, I ordered 18 heirloom plants. I think the FedEx guy played volleyball with the box, a few didn't fare too well, I might have some replacements on the way because of the transit "issues".

I'm going to save seeds from all my plants this year so I can start my own next year, $60.00 bucks for 18 plants is a bit pricey. I did start some plants of my own however! Have you ever had Campari Tomatoes ? They are like $40.00 for like 8 tomatoes, but they are the most delicious tomatoes, especially in the winter when all tomatoes taste like crap. Well I saved some seeds from one and now I have six little Campari Tomato plants growing. I feel very Martha with my little harem of plants growing. I have a feeling that this gardening thing is going to get out of hand, what with 26 tomato plants and all. The Suit thinks I should just till up the whole yard and start a farm. Maybe next year.

I have a very funny blog in my head, I need to get to a scanner....yes, it's one of "those". Maybe this weekend.....that is if you're all good.

Mobile Memorials

This has been a blog in my head for weeks....I just now am getting a moment to share it with you lucky readers.

"In Loving Memory of........" Have you seen these? Now my question is, did the car belong to the person? Is that why it's still living on "in memory"? Because really, I don't want a mobile tombstone, if I die tomorrow, you all have these instructions, closed casket, comfortable clothes, flip flops, please, and no hearse.

I can't help but notice that the people with these ridiculous memorial stickers on their cars are scum bags. Now when do you decide to take it off? Do you feel really guilty when your like "To hell with Mama, I need to see out of my back windershield!" I wonder this everyday, because I see these everyday!

Just some thoughts for you to ponder.

Sweet Girl.

Five years ago today, I became a Mommy. Time flies, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

R was supposed to be coaxed (ok induced) out on March 24, I had been going to the hospital the whole week before to "ripen" my cervix, I wasn't due until March 27th, but they were preparing me early as they were afraid with gestational diabetes that R might be too big.

We'll all the ripening in the world was not going to prepare my cervix, but Dr. Vietch decided to go forward with the induction on 3/24, a Sunday. We were excited and completely prepared. Well we were to arrive at the hospital at 8:00 AM, the phone rang at 6:00 AM, induction "off", "we're too busy.'' I was so angry, they tried to reschedule for 3/25, but I refused, that was The Suit's Dad's birthday. So Dr. Vietch personally called me to find out why I didn't want to come in on the 25th, and she knew not to argue with a pregnant woman that just had a canceled induction, we were scheduled for the 26th, a Tuesday.

After a million "did she have the baby" calls, we headed into Beverly Hospital for a 7:00 AM induction. Pitocin was started (felt nothing). I had my water broken, which I will remember was the oddest sensation in my life. Then I had one noticeable contraction and hopped on the epidural train. R never dropped, we never progressed I think we got to 3 cm, and at 9:00 PM, Dr. Schreiber (the on call Dr. and Head of Obstetrics) made the call that if there wasn't progress by 10:00 PM, we'd have a c-section. He also said that saying that often "scares" the baby out.

So we waited for an hour, called everyone to let them know of the possible outcome, and waited. He came in and sure enough, no progress. Then things got crazy. Nurses were literally jumping out of the walls to prep for the c-section, shaving, all kinds of less that known things were happening. The Suit was sent out of the room and given a jump Suit to prepare for the birth of our first child.

Wheeled into the OR, the anesthesiologist became my enemy. I had a terrible reaction to the meds, and was shaking, dry heaving, etc. I felt horrible. I was strapped on the table like Jesus on the cross, to say I felt exposed was an understatement. Then the section began. My sister had warned the Suit not to look over the curtain, and he did not. Then very quickly Dr. Schreiber said, "Danyelle you'll feel some pressure and some tugging". That grossed me out, but it was an accurate statement. Pushing and tugging, and I became a Mom!

I didn't get to see R right away, they whisked her to the isolette and she was shielded from my view by nurses and the doctor. She was fine, but that is the process in a c-section, no baby on your chest, no holding up. That made me sad. The Suit stayed by my side the whole time, he wanted to see R too, but he kept vigil. Then they were taking care of me and what seemed like forever, R was held over my face. She was beautiful. I began to cry, it was over.

The Suit and R went up to the nursery to get her cleaned up. The nurse left him in the hall for a moment, and he thought that meant he was to take R to the nursery. So in the elevator they went, father and daughter, alone. They were met at the next floor with an out of breath nurse, she ran the stairs, apparently the Suit and R weren't to have their alone moment just yet. Oops.

So R was taken care of in the nursery and I was sent to recovery. I waited alone for a long time. I felt sad, I hadn't been alone in nine months and then after a failed induction, I had my baby taken from me and I was alone in a room, "recovering". I worried about breastfeeding because all I had read said to start early, where was my baby? Then finally the Suit and R came back and we began breastfeeding. I was lost, I thought it was going fine, but had no clue what I was doing. We finally got our own room.

In the room we really got to see R, it was like unwrapping a present, that you don't want to share with anyone. We hadn't yet seen her fingers and toes. So alone, in our room, we began to take a peek at our new baby. We didn't want to ruin the swaddle but we did. 1o fingers........10 toes......what's that mark?....oh a stork bite........she was long.......and thin.......she had a tiny bit of fine hair.......she smelled wonderful........she was perfect.

And she still is.

Happy Birthday, Sweet R. I love you and I love that you made me a Mommy.

Heat wave, fevers, butterflies, bunnies, eggs, and birthdays.

So we're having a bit of a heat wave here in sunny Upstate SC. We've hit 80+ the last two days and tomorrow promises another 85 day. I know all you NE friends are cursing me right now, but wait...it gets better.

This is a big weekend in the Parker House. Today was the annual neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt, tomorrow is R's Pump It Up 5th birthday party, I had to make 25 butterfly cookie favors (more on that Martha episode to come), and the Suit is feverishly preparing R's two tier cake with an Under the Sea theme. Times are busy.

But then, sometimes things just don't go as you plan. Like I really hadn't planned on being in Wal-Mart this morning at 5:00 AM, really, that was not in the plan.

Seems that R and C have some peculiar fever, which is accompanied with an odd pain on the roof of the mouth (I know this symptom because suddenly this evening I've developed it). Started Friday night, and I was hoping it was just a Mystery Fever that would resolve itself by morning. Dosed them with Tylenol and Motrin, and sent them to bed. They did go to sleep, but then R woke up at 3:00 AM with "Frow up in her bed". Ahh......great timing.

So the Suit cleaned the bed, I cleaned the furnace, and we all climbed into our bed to watch a little Nick at Night Cosby Show marathon. Good times. We'll R was producing a lot of heat, so we re-dosed the meds, woke up the baby sister, dosed her, and then back to bed.

Well R did not sleep. Nor did I, so I had to go to Wal-Mart to get last minute party stuff, so 5:00 AM seemed logical to me. So $75.00 later, with the Chicken Little DVD I arrived home at 6:00...thankfully Noggin starts at 6:00 AM, put Frick and Frack on the couch with puffs, sprites, and pillows and went for my Saturday morning walk with Tina. That was actually good considering I knew what my day would most likely hold.

Got home, kids were asleep, did laundry, wrapped the cookies, and created this masterpiece! I'm quite braggy and proud of myself so feel free to tell me to stop being a bragger. I came up with the idea, the Suit made the cookies and baked them, I decorated,, bagged, assembled, carded, etc. They are the favors for R's party, because I detest goodie bags with fruit snacks, pencils, erasers, and little nickel tracing things. I decided I had to be "different". They look awesome, but I get the kids will be disappointed that they don't get that Bag 'O Shit, don't care. The tags say: "Thank you for sharing my 5th birthday. Love RC" I considered having it say, "Thanks for coming to my party, hope you had fun, a treat for you as you go home to fight the flu. Love, RC" Decided against it, let it be a surprise.


After assembling my masterpiece (BTW the cookies are on lollipop sticks, hence the"bouquet", I checked the temps (99-100), put them in the tub, ironed their dresses, fed them lunch, and off to the Egg Hunt we went. Figured we should share the "illness" with 'hood. The girls had a good time, we only stayed 40 minutes, long enough to score some eggs, but short enough that we didn't melt completely (it was so hot!). So wish me luck that we can maintain low to no grade fevers through tomorrow, because I really am not going to go to this party without the guest of honor!
They don't look so bad considering......

More tomorrow....hopefully all good!

Springtime.

My life is so spectacular really, I love it....blah, blah, blah. Ha, ha, don't you hate people like that? Happy, happy, happy.

Well Frick and Frack have been quite the social butterflies in the neighborhood. The warm weather is here.....should I tell you? 80 degrees baby! So nice, but that means we have to be chatty. I swear I've been outside for 5 days straight now, visiting with neighbors, and while I enjoy the interaction, sometimes I'm not feeling so chatty. I shouldn't complain, this is why we moved here, but when you have 3 unplanned playdates in one day it gets exhausting. Not to mention that my kids aren't ready for unsupervised playdates, so all this makes Mommy tired.

R got Heelys. Do you know what they are? Yes, they are those annoying shoes with the wheels that the kids almost knock you down in the store, yep those are the ones. Our neighbor got them (she's 2 years older) and you know how that goes, R had to have them. Let's just say that 2 years is a lot in coordination. R is finally doing it now, but it was rough going for a while.

Oh she had a roller skating birthday party a few weeks ago. Who the fuck has a roller skating birthday for a 5 year old? An idiot that's who. Don't know about your kids, but my five year old is not adept on roller skates. It wasn't a fun party. R liked it, I did not. I actually walked around with her the entire time, wearing my sneakers. The funny thing is that this party was at the Roller Drome....the same Roller Drome that I frequented from ages 7-13. Oh the memories. All the love affairs over Endless Love...Couples Skate......ahh.....brings me back. It's a lot different when you have those thoughts while walking around with a 4 year old on clumsy skates.


I've started Proactiv, I want to wake up and look like Jessica Simpson. I decided that I can't stand my skin, so the infomericals got me, and here I am with a crazy twice a day skin care regimen. It's only been 5 days, I can't tell a difference yet, but I fully expect to wake up tomorrow looking like Jessica. Wish me luck.

My garden is all prepped ready to go. I have ordered 18 heirloom tomato plants, they are being Fedexed (I like making that a verb) on April 3rd. Guess how much, $50.00. I hope I get some really freakin' awesome tomatoes. We had 4 yards of mushroom compost delivered. Just an FYI 4 yards of mushroom compost is a freakin' boatload of compost! Just ask the Suit he wheelbarrowed it from the driveway to the backyard about 50o times. Good Suit, Good Suit.
I've already planted broccoli, lettuce, spinach, and strawberries. I'm a regular Mr. McGregor.

Oh and just a word.....all Bradford Pear Trees should die! Puffy white balls of nasty pollen....every last one of them, die. I hate allergies.

Fact: Greenville, SC #2 worst city for allergy sufferers in the country.

Don't believe me? Go here.

I never had allergies before I moved....now I'm dying!

This is the title.

Ho hum...this thing is really starting to feel like that effing box of Creative Memories scrapbook shit I bought back in 2000........to blog or not to blog that is the question? Guess I'll plod on tonight since I already started, right?

I saw The Departed last night. Loved it. Normally wouldn't go for such a shoot 'em up flick, but I guess hearing Matt with his perfect Boston accent and looking at Marky Mark with a mushroom haircut made me happy. You should see it, does Beantown proud. Made me wish I was in the Irish Mafia.....did anyone catch that Leonardo DiCaprio's character "living on the Nawth Shawe" was living in Bevalee? I read it right on the Oxycontin pill bottle. I think the writer's should have researched a little better because Bevalee is no longer privileged, it's more like Lynn, and Lynn is more like East Boston, now when Hamilton becomes Peabody, we've got a real problem!

The Hood is in a state of duress.....appears that a neighbor is erecting a non-compliant/non-approved shed. That's right, you read it here first folks! Trouble in da Hood! Know what I love when my bra is poking me at 3:00 in the afternoon, so I decide to throw caution to the wind and just take it off....then I go outside to grab the mail, braless and shoeless and I see like everyone in within a 20 mile radius? That rocks. Note to self: don't take bra off at 3:00 in the afternoon and then go get the mail.

Tomorrow begins another exciting season of soccer. I'm one of "those" parents. Soccermom, you think? Nope, over scheduling Mom. Tomorrow R will attend school from 9-2, home from 2:30-3:30 to eat a snack, unwind, then get dressed for swim team. Swim team from 4-4:45, then sitting in the lobby at the Y with Mammy eating a sandwich dressed in her soccer clothes, then it's a mad dash from the Y at 5:30 (the time I get done with practice) to soccer at least 30 minutes away from 6-7. Fun, huh? Luckily she'll only be doing swim team and soccer on Thursdays, and she has nothing on Friday, no school, nothing. I can say with certainty that she will not be doing two afternoon activities next year, kindergarten will nip that scheduling conflict in the bud!

Speaking of Kindergarten we go for the tour of the school Friday (ok, so I lied we do have something to do), that should be fun, we were supposed to go a few weeks ago, but I totally spaced and missed the whole thing. Nice, not like me at all.

C has been a little spit fire these days. Tantrums and turning on the tears at the drop of a hat. It'll be fun to see her play soccer this season now that she knows what to expect. She's a riot at her swimming lesson, just floats along, in her own world then she'll catch my eye as I walk by and wave madly.

Well that's about it, I might shut this down, I'm not sure yet.

Having visitors sucks.

Because they leave, and that makes me sad. :( When you see people that you haven't seen in ages, you realize how much you miss them, and that sucks.



Going back to anti-socialness, it's far less upsetting.

BTW: R took this picture, not bad for an almost 5 year old.

In case you were wondering....

The Target Gift Cards have been located! That's right, Internet, THEY ARE NO LONGER MISSING. Cancel your search, leave the dump, cease checking the garbage. AGAIN...to REPEAT....THE TARGET GIFT CARDS HAVE BEEN LOCATED!

The culprit is Winnie the Pooh. Apparently Mr. Pooh took the gift cards and decided to stash them with his ABC cards, he's in BIG TROUBLE.

Again....cease the search.

Snow Day, SC Style!

I have to laugh, it's a "blizzard" here. Read: an inch of snow and a few inches of rain. Tee, hee..... Here's a few pictures.

Only in SC would we have umbrellas in our "blizzard".

Our first scheduled visitor.

Can you believe it Internet, we've been Sandlappers for 16 months and NO ONE, not ANYONE has bothered to visit. That's right, popular we apparently are not, until now! Heather has decided that SHE will be our first visitor. I'm nervous, we need to make this a good one so maybe some of you other lazy asses will come down and pay us a visit before the kids graduate from high school.

End of rant.

Oh one more thing, did I mention that Heather is traveling from Oregon? Yeah, she's like the farthest person from us yet, she's first. Affirms that in 9th grade in Mrs. Mital's class that even though she had poofy bangs, we were destined to be bestest friends, in spite of our mathematical challenges.

In other news, it's cold, and I don't particularly care for that. R has joined the swim team. Crazy, I know, she's 4, but she tried it a few times and decided it was her bag, so now she swims in Mommy's group. So far she's taken the role of Molly from Annie, ie cute little one that can't really keep up. I hope that changes soon (not the cute part of course) since I don't want to be nabbed for preferential treatment of my own kid, but really...how can I not? C is still in her lesson and is basically a sunning walrus. She is so lazy. OMG, she just floats along, she can totally swim, but her swim instructor has decided that she loves her and therefore gives her tons of attention, so now C has realized that by being really lazy her nice instructor gives her even more attention when she has to constantly retrieve her from the wrong end of the pool. Good times at the Y, that's for sure.

Heather.....stop reading.

My house has been a disaster lately. I have zero motivation to neaten it. It's not dirty, I've just surrendered to the toys. C is a pack rat, like Linus, always has her wooby in one hand and some other random item in the other. She's forever bringing these things downstairs. I used to be really good at collecting stuff and returning it upstairs, not anymore, just sort of gave up. Pretty soon the entire house will look like the playroom.

Let's see Mammy asked R what she'd like for her birthday. "A seashell ornament". Note to self: explain to R the difference between Christmas and Birthdays.

In other R news, she's very OCD and suffers from a cleaning disorder, ironic considering the comments two paragraphs up, huh? I swear she makes her bed before she gets out of it. Her favorite item to use to clean is toilet paper. I love waking to the freshly toilet paper washed mirrors in the bathrooms every morning, it's like Hazel lives here. Maybe we should teach her how to start the coffee pot instead? She also enjoys using the Kandoo poop wipes for the tough surfaces like toothpaste on the counter, resourceful girl.

I think that I will get her a cleaning bucket, smock, handkerchief for her hair, and some non toxic cleaning supplies for her birthday. Would that be labeled abuse?

I swear God put C on this earth to solely drive R crazy with her messiness...so far it's working like a charm.