The great umbrella caper

Al--this is not "that" blog. Just so you know.

OK, onto blogging.

So you know the umbrellas that tilt?Well we "had" one of those. See there is this button that you push and it tilts. Well ours got stuck in the tilt position. The Suit was going to fix it, but he forgot and went to work.

This is the part of the story where things begin sound like "bizarre news" on Yahoo. We had a really bad thunderstorm on Sunday night. The kind where the pool chairs blow into the water and all kinds of bad stuff happens. So C comes downstairs because she's afraid of the thunder, so she sits with me and then I look out the window and notice it's really gusty. Then I look at the umbrella and realize that it's really about to become airborne, I didn't want to lose my $50.00 umbrella or my $100.00 table, so I thought I'd risk my life.

This is the part of the story where I get really stupid.

I decide to go outside in my pajamas and "fix" the umbrella. The metal umbrella, in the lightning storm. So it's blowing like crazy and I'm getting soaked, I'm holding the long metal pole trying to figure out how to get the umbrella down, it's in a stand going through the glass table. Well as I'm trying to decide what to do I can see C in the window watching her stupid Mom. So then all the sudden a huge gust comes and the aluminum pole just snaps in half. The umbrella comes out of the table and the jagged aluminum lands on my foot (my bare foot) and cuts a huge gash.

I become Mary Poppins.

The pole is broken in half and I am airborne. I can't figure out what to do. I'm afraid that if I let go the whole thing will impale someone, or go through someone's window in my neighborhood. Then I get the brilliant idea that I'll throw it over our fence and it'll just blow around the field behind our house, and impale someone that I don't see at the pool everyday. So as I'm half walking half flying to the back of the yard the tilted part of the pole straightens out (think Moses parting the water) and I'm able to actually roll the whole thing down, hence rectifying it no longer a hazard.

Then I went in the house, and C gave me her Tinkerbell towel.

Here is the headline had things not turned out so well:

Greer, SC
Mother of two electrocuted as umbrella and mother became airborne and got caught in a power line. Three year old watches the whole thing and calls 911.

What an idiot! Yeah, that's me.