As promised for Susie Q.

Let's travel down memory lane, shall we? Let us begin in the third grade.
I bet you're wondering how I have two children having obviously had a sex change. No, that is actually a girl. Scary....I loved my "wings". And I remember that shirt, I looked like quite the strapping young man.

So we moved two years later, and thankfully we moved into a neighborhood with some girls, my hair grew. This next picture was taken in Florida at my grandparents house. I was doing some Breck hair commercial. That isn't the important thing to note, note the awesome iron on transfer t-shirt with E.T. Now that's cool.
OK this next one is disturbing on a few levels. See I'm wearing a Panama Jack t-shirt. That's scary, as are my Nair short shorts. Now looking more closely you'll see my Mom smiling demonically as she readies herself to cook on the old gas grill. Sure scary, but then you notice my sister crouching next to said gas grill, assumingly throwing in a lit match. I was in 6th grade. I remember doing this task for my Mom too, she was too scared to throw the match in the grill, so she'd summon us. Hmmm....questionable parenting, but it was the 80s after all. Not my sister's rockin' hair. She was H O T.

Here' I am modeling in the bushes. Speaking of H O T. I vividly recall my sister and I taking this picture. We were going to win modeling contracts from Teen Beat. After, of course, we spent our millions from those contests where we drew that turtle. Now that's where the real money is.

My Mom went to Essex Aggie for hairstyling. Can you tell that she was really popular with my sister and I, and her friend Wendy? She was really amazing at the Rave Spiral Perm. I know you're all jealous. This was right around the time that I found Sun In. Or Orange In in my case. BTW I loved this dress, cap sleeves and all!

This is eight grade. I think I look fairly normal, barring my patriotic choice of clothes. It's funny, as you'll see I look like this A LOT. I wish my arms were that thin now. Sigh.

Oh dear! I've lost the bangs, forgotten to do the eyebrows, and gone REALLY BOLD in the clothing department! I loved this shirt, it was Polo and I got it a Filene's Basement, circa year when Leah Deveau worked there and stole things on a daily basis. She was an unfortunate girl, and she was a bitch for not telling me to ditch the horizontal stripes!

Ahh the not so Nuclear Family. See anyone missing from this shot? This starts the red years. Someone must have said I looked good in red, because I wore it to death. Sad that I'm the one that looks good in this picture. Would you look at my Mom's hair, and she looks like she's got a nasty piece of meat in her mouth and she needs a napkin. And my sister.....oh Jenn, Jenn, Jenn....the hair. Makes me feel good about my flat do.

Here we go with the red again. This is my senior picture. I was 17 in this picture. That was 17 years ago. I don't look much different today. At our 10 year reunion they had this picture on my name tag. I was embarrassed because I looked exactly the same. I hate that guido gold chain around my neck. Yucky!

Here we are in my nautical phase. This is Jenn's graduation from college. With my sailor dress and my Mom's horrible dress, we are not looking like the beautiful family. Unfortunate clothing choices, all around.



And who could forget the dress? I had this lovely piece specifically made by Susan Wonderly herself. The damn thing fell apart mid prom. That ruffle on the top became a tray, and I could have served hor'doeurves to the other prom goers. Luckily there was a sweetheart neckline underneath, or I would have been in trouble. Heather, Chris, Carol, Alison, and Sarah I'm calling you all out...why didn't you tell me that Mick was not attractive? What did I ever see in him?

And that, my friends, will conclude my walk down memory lane. See Suzanne, you're not the only one with skeletons!