Guess it's really going to happen.

That whole kindergarten thing, and all. I really, really wish I was looking forward to the "free" time when the kids are in school. I wish I was "ready" for them to go to school. I wish I was counting the days, but you know what:

I'M NOT.

I went to the school today to get R's "car rider" number. It's like a deli. Pull up, get in line, then someone on a walkie talkie walks around and "radios" your number in, and then your child sits in their classroom staring at a tv screen that shows them the numbers. When their number is "up", they get in line, and off to the front they go. There they are loaded into the masses of minivans and SUVs.

They really didn't have that system when we were kids. When I was a kid I would walk alone in plain sight of all potential kidnappers to the bike rack, enter the combination on my chain lock (1234, so uncrackable), hop on my banana seat bike, and ride the road home. Sure I didn't do that in kindergarten, it was 1st grade, then it was safe. I didn't have any real rules about stopping on the way home, I'm sure my Mom would have been alarmed if I didn't show up by 4:00, but really for that time after school, I was free.

My five year old will not be free. I will wait in line, everyday, and I will pick her up. We'll drive the half mile home (trust me if there were sidewalks, we'd walk...it's not a great road to walk on--certainly not for my baby), then we'll have a snack, I'll find out about her day, and I'll hold her a little closer, wish her to be little a bit longer. Wish her to hold her innocence a little longer. Wish her happy days, and restful nights. Wish her worries away, kiss her tears, and cheer her achievements. Listen to her read to me.

5 days a week for 6.5 hours a day, she'll be "there".

R starts on Monday, C follows close behind on Tuesday with her first day in pre-k. Firsts all around here in the Parker house.

I know next week is an important week for my girls, I will pretend to be excited, but really I'm sad, I will miss them. I know they will learn, make friends, and have experiences that I cannot give them, but I will miss them.

I will miss them.

I wonder if my Mom misses me, I bet so.

Being a Mom really is a hard job, the hardest I've ever had.